Pre-Clerkship Jitters

While almost everyone else in the batch is excited about clerkship, I found myself anxious for those coming days. Yes, I’m ecstatic about passing 3^rd year and getting promoted to junior internship. There is definitely no question about that. But there are some things I feel and think that some people may not understand.

I fear of losing weekends and holidays. As my good professor have said (not in verbatim), “Prepare to be robbed off your weekends, next your holidays.”  My precious time during the weekends are used to spend with Nathan and Kel. Nothing is more painful for a mom than to not be there for your family whenever they need you. It’s a sad thought to miss celebrating birthdays, the Holy Week, Christmas day and New Year’s eve with them.

I fear of losing communication. I heard a lot of such stories. My marriage had gone through a lot these past 3 years and I couldn’t afford to make such a mistake and go through the same situation all over again.

I fear of being inept—at dealing with people and practicing my clinical skills. Yes, I’m doing well on the theoretical side but this is not anymore just about books, it’s about people’s lives this time. Although I know that this will need a lot of practice and I’m kinda used to getting reprimanded whenever I do something wrong, I just fear of making a serious mistake that could change a life of a soon-to-be-patient. I also fear that with my ‘inadequacy’, I might add demerits to the group I am in.

I fear of my fears. It makes me feel uncomfortable with myself and makes me question my skills.

In a matter of days, our lives will probably begin to change. For now, I will perhaps be wishing that days in the clinics will be shorter and my offs longer (if that is even possible. Haha!). Or I should start arranging for my uniforms and medical supplies instead.